Monday, April 30, 2012

A moment of silence

The past few days have been a mixture of events.

One of my best friend's dad passed away a few days ago. Rest in peace uncle. Angel Yong, stay strong my dear friend.

***


Thursday, April 26, 2012

Just a little something

Holla! Random post before I embark on my last lecture for the day.

Before that, drew this the other day when I was feeling... pensive.

The line marks in the drawings was cuz it was drawn on a rough paper with all kinds of rubbish sketches on it. So I erased and drew over those sketch lines.

Anyways, my drawing kinda lao-pek.

But I like it :)

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

How I lost weight


Just to tell you, I do not have a before and after picture. Maybe I have, but it all looks the same. Cuz pictures are always of my best angles. Hahaha!

So, no.

Background

I've never been like really roly-poly fat. In fact, during my primary years, I resembled a stick, in a good way. As in I wasn't the sickly, anorexic kind of stick, but the natural stick kind of stick. Like the grasshopper kind of stick. Jump, jump, jump.

Going downhill

After hitting puberty (whatever that is for girls, presumably once you get your period? I dunno), I started gaining weight. I was 15 years old when I first hit the 50kg line. At that time I think I was what? 158cm? 160cm?

Some of you might think, that's not fat. I was so used to being 45kg. Then you tell me I'm 50kg. I cry like baby. I admit I wasn't fat fat, but I FELT fat. Like real fat.

Yes, the mind is capable of great things. Great things. Curious, very curious. For it was his brother that gave you that scar.

That was a dialogue from Harry Potter when he was buying his wand from Oliver. I can be weird.

And once I started feeling fat, I gained more weight. Like attracts like. FML. So I wasn't as confident as I liked to be. As a consequence, I started seeing my body in a very negative light.

My heaviest ever was 53 kg. That was in October 2010. I was 19, 164cm (bl**dy short I know) and... fat. Ok lah, I'll stop saying I'm fat. I shall say I was... um... I could do with shedding some weight. Yep. That should do.

Actually ah, I never really cared to lose weight. Fat mai fat lorh. Who cares wo? Think I very pretty meh?

Ok, I lied! I always wanted to lose weight. I was always thinking, "I need to lose weight, I'm fat, ugh my butt is effing huge, ugh my thighs are jingling, what the hell is this? my tummy? looks like roti paratha... ARGHH I HAVE A DOUBLE CHIN FML!!!"

The way I was complaining, you'd think I'm someone f***ing obese.

At that time, 48kg was like a... dream. *titanic music plays*

So I tried all kinds of things to cure me of my "fat-ness". I tried Marie France and Bizzy Body (all free trials one... ngehehe...). I tried fasting for one week. I tried all sorts of diets (which naturally I ended up binging and gaining all the weight after that).

Nothing worked! What kind of sorcery is this lah???

My mind kept telling me this was so hard, hard, hard. It'll take a long time. There's cake on the table. Bf ajak me go makan burger. I need to lose weight. I'm fat. There's chocolate in the fridge. I'm lazy. When am I gonna lose weight? I'm gonna eat KFC.

Shut it, brain.

Goddammit! I hated being 50kg++!!! I was hovering around 52kg. Somebodeh... kill meh. Ok, don't.

And then suddenly, I dropped to 46.5kg.

Damn, I'm good.

Going uphill

I lost about 5-6kg (wa... so much ah? I didn't realize pun) since those "fat gloom days".

It's been a few months and I've been consistently around 47-48kg. So that means my weight loss started early this year? No one knows.

The feeling? F*** where my boobs?

Haha, no lah. Ok lah. A bit lah.

But the rest of me was feeling great. I is happy with my weight :)

The lowest I dropped to was 46.5kg. And then my mother started asking me to gain some weight. Oh, and some of my adult chess friends started asking me to gain some weigh too. They were like "Aiyo Miyen, sudah macam batang oh."

WHAT SORCERY IS THIS? DO YOU KNOW HOW HAPPY I WAS? Hahaha. *sheds a tear of joy*

Muthaf*****, call me anorexic I also damn happy.

Reason why I didn't blog about my weight lost earlier (other than fearing people thinking I'm bragging. still fearing, but wtf, this is my blog) was I wanted to make sure the weight was gone for good. Suddenly blog about my weight then next week fat again, how?

So after a few months not fat, green light. Can blog about it. Won't become fat tomorrow :)

How I did it

It's all in the mind. No I'm serious.

Contrary to popular belief, it's not the diets or exercise. Because all those can be sabotaged the next day by going on an eating spree. Courtesy of being overridden by our thoughts a.k.a. the mind.

I think there was one point in life where I just got so sick and disgusted with my fat thoughts that I completely stopped thinking about it.

I think it was when I had one of my bouts of sickness. After recovering, my brain was somewhat cleared of the fog and I naturally wasn't focused on trying to lose weight anymore. I didn't force myself to stop. It came naturally.

Actually ah... I also don't remember how. I think it was gradual. But... whatever lah.

I started doing other things and concentrated on things that made me happy. I was so engrossed with whatever shizz I was doing. My life didn't evolve round my weight anymore. I eased up on that aspect. Let loose... aahh...

And I started to eat less. I didn't care what I ate, how much I ate. All I did was... not think.

I ate when I was hungry and stopped when I was... not full. Haha. As a consequence, my tummy gradually shrank.

So I started losing weight like... whooosshhh... just kept losing. At first I was elated, then I kept losing until I got worried. Ironic, I know.

No pills, no diet and no hardcore exercise. I think the secret is no matter how much effort you put in trying to lose weight, if you keep having negative thoughts about your body, those thoughts will sabotage all your weight-loss attempts.

Cuz if you think it's hard, hard, hard, then in reality it will be hard, hard, hard. Because like, you'd end up binging after exercise or having a yo-yo effect with diets or whatever.

All I did was change the way I think (or just don't think about it) and everything started falling into place. Pretty effortless. Not a bad way to lose weight eh?

I admit the start was tough. To let go off all those limiting beliefs did take effort.  But something clicked and stayed.

So step 1: Clear all the limiting beliefs you have about your body image. Train yourself to think about other good things in life. Then it should be smooth sailing after that. Maybe get a notebook and write down all the positive aspects about your life? I do. Not much now on weight, but on other aspects of life.

Other more crude ways: Drown yourself in feel good movies for a week so much so until you feel soo good to think of anything negative. Or better, get terribly sick and ask your mother don't take care of you. Okay, I'm joking.

Of course if you supplement good eating habits and exercise with positive thoughts, then all the better.

For proof, my diet yesterday consisted of cakes and instant noodles yesterday, but I still lost a bit of weight this morning.

I know I shouldn't be eating like that, but just to prove a point. And I probably should start exercising again.

Some of you might think, wa... become some kind of health guru ah? No lah... Just wanted to share. CANNOT AH???

KBAI!

Bloglovin :)

Signed up for bloglovin' today! Cuz their logo's cute and the name's cute. So yea...

I know hordes of people know what bloglovin' is, but still, I'm explaining. *sticks tongue out* 

Bloglovin' let's you follow your favorite blogs by notifying you every time they update their shizz. Very nice, clean layout. I like :)

Anyways...  Follow my blog with Bloglovin!

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Love thyself and camwhore! Part 3

Okay, last bunch of photos and therefore part 3 is the last and final part! Aren't you glad? Haha.

Dress: Jim Fashion at Bandar Baru. Don't ask me the damn price. But was reasonably priced larh. If not I won't buy.
Jacket thingy: Yeeyee gave me! *loves*
Bangle: Uh... was it from Singapore? Or KL? No damn idea.


I like my hands #random

How my hair will probably be 40 years down the road.

Dress: JB bought it for me. Online one.
Boots: Russia.

Sitting on the table - for the love of nothing better to write.


See my lips? Kawaii ^^
.
.
.
.
.

You may now puke.

LAST LOOK!
Plushie says "For Love" :)

Dress: From Qbox. Cheap. Below RM30. Good memories this one! :)

Trying the smexy, come-hither look ;)


OK DONE! WOOHOOHOO!

Part 1, part 2 here.

From now on, I'll make an effort to remember the places I bought me clothes and their respective prices.

Okie, time for nap time. And then finish the goddamn F5 past year paper. Ta all! :)

Monday, April 23, 2012

Taking a leap of faith

Alright, I've already played all my cards... at least for now. Boh liao cards ady! All I can do is sit back, enjoy the present and watch the show unfold.

I know you don't know what the hell I'm talking about now, but suffice to say, I am mentally drained. I should give my brain a rest. *pats brain*


I want things to take a more solid form soon so I can direct my energies more resourcefully. Everything is too elusive to talk about yet.

On another note, my chinese boy came back over the weekend. As usual, spent  all  most of our time together. I think his mother must hate me already. Haha. No la, she loves me :P He left for KL again this morning. Missshhhh my chinese boy larh.

Welcome to the world of  semi  LDR.

Random drawings I sketched the other day.



It's been some time since I drew manga. Feels good to be back drawing gargantuan eyes.

You know what? I feel like creating another blog just on drawings and illustrations and comics etc. I think that will be really cool :) But I gotta learn up Adobe Illustrator and Photoshop first. And that ain't happening until after my June exams. Gah :(

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Love thyself and camwhore! Part 2

This post is a continuation of Part 1 piccies.

Dress: Sungei Wang. Dunno price. All I know damn cheap :) I think it was under RM30.
Boots: From Russia. Bought it when I was playing chess there.

Who spotted Laughing Buddha? :D


Eh, surprising look okay what.


Mad love this pic!

Next:
Merlin gets me hair curled! :)

Teddy bear was a gift from my ex-colleague when I was working in Genting :) Arigato LYW!

Oh yes, before I forget.
Top: Pasar malam! Haha. Less than RM15 this one.
Skirt: Tesco :)
Bangles: Free from temple. Hahaha! It's blessed k?

Now you know how I source my clothes? :P



Oh hey, whaddaya expect? More pics in Part 3! I'm losing my sanity.

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Love thyself and camwhore! Part 1

Disclaimer: No photoshop. I've forgotten  all my skills ever since I completed the header of my blog.

Played dress-up with Merlin the other day. Merlin was my personal stylist and photographer, while I was posing like a twisted monkey. All this started because of this Nestle 100 yrs thingy.

No lah, that's just an excuse to camwhore/pose. 

So because there are only going to be pictures of me, me, me and nothing else, I'm splitting the post into several different entries. Therefore, you will not feel nauseous and puke... and also because I very malas to upload so many pics at a time.

I've arranged the pictures in chronological order ie. following the order in which we took them.

Anyways here are the piccies! :)



Natural sunlight does wonders to pictures :)

I wanted to try the very simple "Megan Fox" look. You know, high brows, slick black eye liner, nude eye shadow. But failed. 

One thing I didn't have was a gel liner. My crayon liner (which sucks now cuz it keeps breaking) draws too thick a line. Also, she has very defined eye brows. When I started drawing my eye brows, it looked ok. But I took the first picture and found out I looked like a transsexual. So I wiped it off.

Anyways, this is what I used:

Eye
Base - Maybelline 4 color pallete - nude eye shadow color. Forgot price.
Lid - Green eye shadow. Cheap China brand.
Liner - Faceshop eye liner crayon. Was on promotion. Forgot price.
Mascara - From Sasa. Forgot price.

Face:
BB cream. My friend helped me to buy. I think it was RM50 or RM60. Forgot.
Biore UV Perfect face milk. Forgot price.

Oh god help me. The reason why  I don't know the prices is because they were bought like a gazillion years ago. Hint: Need to update and buy more stuff! Haha. 

I find I'm very bad at describing make-up stuff. 

Tied my hair into a loose side braid:


Lala/kawaii. Reason why this pose is so popular is because it's so damn easy to do and look good in.

Cuz I got a headache from looking at all my close-up pictures. 



Was sifting through my wardrobe and there were so many nice pieces of clothes I hardly ever (or never) wear. 

Courtesy of having a budget and being a student in Kampar. Don't misunderstand. I actually do like living in my lovely small town. But, when it comes to social events and stuff that are almost always held in the city, I lose out. And the same goes with opportunities to dress up :( But sometimes when I see really cute/pretty clothes at an affordable price tag, I buy them. Doesn't happen often, but it does accumulate after a long time. 

Of course the situation becomes win-win if I had crazy lotsa MONEY and  still stay in my quaint little home town. Then I can have the best of both worlds :)

So um... where was I? Oh ya, sifting through my hardly-touched clothes.

Then suddenly, I energy up to level 100 and started camwhoring with them clothes (which will feature in part 2) like crazy. Roped in Merlin to help. That's what sisters are for. 

Lately I've been having a very weird surge of inspiration to do more fashion/beauty posts. Gosh! I'm finally becoming a girl! Before this, I do talk about clothes, beauty stuff bla, bla, bla, but that was all talk no walk.

I think this is my turning point in life where I start portraying myself to the virtual world as a... real girl #fml. Although in real life, I'll always be the girl who's in shirts and shorts. Cuz very lazy.

Anyways, next look: 

Everything's purple! I kinda like my messy hair style.
My boobs look... magnified. 


See my right arm? Looks emaciated.

Initially did not think of putting this picture up. But boyfie likes it. So yea :)

I find this picture lame/out-of-place, but I look slim here. So FTW! 

On a last note... oh no, I am madly in love with "One Direction: What Makes You Beautiful"!!!


Part 2 here :)

Ta loves! ;)

Thursday, April 19, 2012

My Nestle Incredible Story

Disclaimer: This is a post for a contest organised by Nuffnang. Further details here. Do try your luck. It is fun.


Obligatory shot:



For my story, I shall focus on Nestle Milo simply because it is awesome pawsome.

Before I move on...

I think I should change the title to My Nestle Pathetic Story.

And so my pathetic story goes like this...

Back in the 1990's (man, I sound old), there were 3 blind brave musketeers: 2 little boys (my brothers) and one very, very cute, smart, courageous little girl (me, obviously).

Together, they were unstoppable. And they loved anything their mama did not approve of. Now that, was dangerous.

One of it was MILO. It was indeed a rare treasure in the house. All sorts of measures were in place to prevent the trio from getting to that sought-after tin of Milo. High up places, adults always watching over them etc.

Milo - the nectar from the gods. It tasted so good that the 3 of 'em could finish up a tin in a day. It gave them powers they could only dream of.

Although there were obstacles between them, but yet the desire burns ever more strongly.

Little girl remembers the tin being hidden in a secret location, somewhere higher than they could possibly reach with their height challenged physique. It was on top of the shelves in the kitchen - the dungeon of danger.

The three would often plot and scheme - and then wait for the right time to strike.

Every time when their mama was not looking, the trio would stack up chairs upon chairs to get the nectar down to their rightful owners. But the 3 musketeers were smart. In fact, more than smart. It was... cosmic genuis.

They did not not finish it up at one go! Ah, what a surprise. They needed to leave a suitable amount so that no one would suspect.

But of course every adventure has a misadventure. And so they were often caught. They each received punishments worthy of their courage: 2 twists of the ear and woe if anyone of them were not wearing any shorts, there was the horrible "hanger to bare butt".

Of course after that, they had to face a jail term - facing the wall for a whole 30 minutes. Dreadful.

Those were the days when democracy was not in place.

Fast forward 10 years, the trio blossomed into teens, excelling both in strength and brains. They now had the voice and independence. There was a swift but smooth uprise. And finally, democracy was installed.

.

.

.

.

.

And so, those peaceful years saw the prospering of MILO.


There was even growth of more treasures other than the MILO. There was:

Nestle Bliss...

and the famous Maggi...

The End.

So yeshh. That was a little piece of adventure courtesy of MILO that would have gotten your heart pumping and rumping. I apologize.

As an apology I have prepared a little surprise, a little gift of my own if you don't mind...  - to give a little twist to this special Nestle post, my first ever hand drawn illustrations in a blog post! I love drawing but never actually thought of putting it on my blog until now.

Anyways, presenting *drums roll* ....

"Those childhood days with Nestle MILO" - hand drawn by moi

Scene 1

Scene 2

Hope you enjoyed it! Thank you Nestle for all those memories~


AND NUFFNANG, FEATURE ME AND REST ASSURED - YOU CAN HAVE ALL THE MILO YOU COULD EVER WISH FOR.

That is my promise... when I am fat and rich. What say you?

And now, after working my poor brain, fingers, eyes, back, nose, armpit for hours, I shall unwind with... whaddaya know?


Aaahh... Milo...

Others:
Will be doing more comics in the future. Currently learning up Adobe Illustrator (Bl**dy confusing. I know it's day 2, but still.) but for now, it's plain ol' black & white. Special thanks to mama who beared with me all through this! It was hard. I know. Haha.