Saturday, April 30, 2011

At the dining table

Had McD take-away for lunch with JB.

He's on the sofa sleeping while I'm raping his sister's laptop.

It looks like its gonna rain outside.

Lately, I've been having disgustingly horrible mood swings.

And JB, well... he's always the one who has to take the full blast of my tantrums. It's usually mum and him that have to tolerate my raging hormones.

Although I put the blame on him (Akon. Just had to say that), he always tries his best to comfort me. *sobs*

Like in the morning, he went into Just to Eat bakery to check out the prices. SO I followed suit. Then he went out of the shop. Without calling me.

And I totally freaked out. Like a woman gone mad.

Okay, I'm just exaggerating. But the way things went after that was like world war II all over again.

You know how when you think negatively about one thing, it tends to lead to another negative thought? And yet another thought?

So I poured out whatever goddamn problem that has been bugging me since the past week.

I guess in way, I'm glad that happened.

But I promise after this period, I swear to god that I won't repeat the same mistake EVER again.

And I promise to have much less outbreaks.

The world will be a better place without me and my outbreaks :)

Now to disturb him.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Current newsfeed.

I've just completed the first weekend of the on-going SEA Games 2011 Chess Selection held recently at DATCC and Restoran Warisan. The second and final weekend is held in May.

Suprise, surprise. Camilia and I are the joint leaders for the girls's category so far. LOL.

Considering the fact that I did not practice AT ALL. The only thing I did was play lots of mind games not related to chess. Like Dropwords and MouseTraps. HAHAHAHA!Seriously. So my brain has been getting good workouts. HAHAHAHA!

Why do I find that so funny?

Anyway, the way I play my chess openings SUCKS.. Yea, it does. I don't prepare my openings. I rely on my own skills and worst is, my opponents are usually prepared against me in the openings.

And I'll be like, oh shit, what formation am I supposed to be heading for again?

I went through my game with Li Ting (kecil kecil cili padi) and I am horrified by the way I played the opening. Totally mortified. I beat her in the middlegame with an attack I thoroughly enjoyed carrying out. But my opening was like... shit.

So if I want to emerge tops in this selection, I need to crack open some books.

I think a few lines and sturdy ideas up my sleeve and playing through a few master games with good annotations to refresh my memory should suffice. At least I did something right?

I mean if I can survive a super lousy opening and turn the tables around in the middlegame or endgame, I'll do even better if I fixed my openings and come out at least equal in the middlegame.

Anyway, the highlight of the last day of the tournament for that week was my second brother's amazing win against Malaysia's number 2 player, Mok Tze Meng.

So proud. I hope he'll keep it up next weekend. Shhh..! Don't tell him that. I mean, I'm not the type to give compliments to my brothers.

A pic from the tournament:

So anyway, today morning I was with JB. And I was in a terribly horrific mood. I pity him.

I still am now. Although not that horrifying anymore. But I was poised to rip out my brother's liver when I saw him on my bed playing with MY handphone games. So still pretty horrifying.

Oh gawd... I can't wait till this whole episode is over. Family would be glad too.

Sigh... I hope everything turns out well. PLEASE GOD PLEASE!!!

As the saying goes "This too shall pass..."

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

A cotton on me eye.

My eye hurts like hell. I have to stop rubbing it or risk going blind one day...

I went for my penilaian motor today. Aah, it wasn't that bad. The bridge wasn't that narrow. I thought it would be like half the width of the Kampar bridge.

My brother were like "The brigde there is narrow. It's more difficult."

And that would be going thhrough my mind like this.

"The brigde is like the width of the gymnastic beam. And it's higher. And I'm not even steady on the Kampar bridge. It's going to be so difficult. If you wobble, you'll definitely fall. And if you fail, that's another hundered bucks again???"

Yeah, that's negative thinking to the max.

And when I went there, as I approaced the brigde, I nearly died of relief. It wasn't that narrow at all! In fact, its the same width as the Kampar bridge!


Maybe the height and the two strips of yellow line at the side makes it look narrow. But still, I am relieved. Now I can sleep in peace =)

Anyway, I'm worried like hell about other matters... AAAAHHHH!!! I just want to get this torturous period over and done with! Nuff' said.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Random pictures

Camwhored last night:

With the red top my aunt gave me. I haven't had the chance to wear it out yet. So might as well camwhore with it first.

With the black tube dress I bought from Sungei Wang. It's super sexy. I forgot the price but it's really cheap!

Excuse the mess at the back.

My boobs look so flattened here! LOL!

There was one day where I baked a cake. So I cracked 2 eggs. The first one was normal but the other had twins in it!

Strange eh. Strange but cute =) Maybe I'll have twins in the future! OOooh.

Oh, and I remembered one time (maybe a month or so ago), I ate twin bananas joined together.

More random pics:

Friday, April 15, 2011

Today has all been about vehicles

In the morning, my brother drove mum, sisters and I to buy breakfast for like the first time. He just got his P license yesterday.

I can't believe he passed considering how his driving skills still like... needs A LOT of improving. In other words, its lousy. LOL.

You know what, my other younger brother has a P for his motor while this brother has a P for his driving. I don't even have a single F***ING P! And I'm the eldest!

I only have two Ls which seems so... fragile now.

Gawd, I'm so jealous... Anyway, after breakfast, my mum brought me to Rakan Muda to practice my driving. That session was way better that the last session with my mum.

Guess what happened in the last session? I was driving the whole time with the handbrakes ON (no wonder the car kept jerking).

And the lamest thing was, my mum didn't even realize it...

And I think I spoilt the car battery that day...

Anyway, this session was fun. The weather was cool and I was in a good mood. I love driving. So much... *sentimental*

I got back home and went out again to the mechanic to change the shock absorber for the motorcylce. I spent a whole hour waiting for them to change it. Nobody told me it was gonna take that long!

Then after that, I went to the motorcycle training circuit to practice the STUPID BEAM.

You know, the one where you're supposed to stay at least 7 seconds on? I don't know why, but I should never talk about what to expect or what to fear when taking exams. Because I have an ingrain fear of the beam. Like I get super duper nervous on the beam.

I keep falling down or even if I manage stay up, its either less than 7 seconds or I get REALLY wobbly up there. That's cuz some of my closest friends failed because of the beam and my FIRST EVER time on the beam, I fell.

But I really, really (x100) want to get a P. I don't care whether its for car of motor, I just want to get that damn P already. And I don't want to fail and re-take again because I like my money, k?

So I practiced riding over the beam for like an hour under the hot afternoon sun. I think I just got 2 tones darker (not that I'm already dark to start with). I stopped because I started getting a throbbing headache.

Anyway, after that session, I can now stay on the beam long enough. It's just that it still gets a little wobbly.

And the beam in Kampar is wider than the beam in Ipoh. So if it's wobbly here, then it means FAIL in Ipoh cuz if I wobble there, I'll just fall off. But at least there's some improvement. I want to get rid of that fear in my mind.

Later in the evening I'm gonna book my P motor test for the week after next. Then tomorrow I'm going with my mum again to practice that beam again.

Right now, I'm gonna take my time on the computer, go bathe and then chill~

Oh... yeah.....

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Shoud I or should I not work?

I applied for a job at Danish House yesterday. They haven't called yet so I'm not confirming anything.

It gets boring studying alone at home like... everyday. And JB's in KL now enjoying his hard earned cash while I'm here trying to use as little money as possible (plan not going well so far).

So I thought maybe it's a good idea to get a part time job (albeit sitting for my exams this November) and earn some extra money I can freely, with no guilt, spend on anything I want. Mostly unnecessary items.

Work for 3 months or so, then quit. And the last 3 months before my exams, go all out. Good plan?

I mean, I don't expect to be going all out these 7 months. I'm human. A lazy one.

So the job I applied demands a total 9 hours of my time on the weekdays and then 4.5 hours on Saturday.

OK, let's do some planning:

7.00 am : Morning revision
8.00 am : Get ready for work
8.30 am : Go to work
5.30 pm : Come back home and shower up
6.15 pm : 30 minute nap
7.00 pm : 20 minute jog
7.30 pm : Dinner/TV
8.30 pm : Night revision
11.00 pm: Sleep

Shit... that schedule looks like it came out from a concentration camp.

Maybe I skip my exercise time and sleep an hour straight.

Oh, I just realized that I'll only be able to go on dates with him like... once a week.

You know what? Maybe I just abandon the idea of working and just concentrate on studying.

You know what? I have no idea.

You know what? I'm gonna sleep.


Sunday, April 10, 2011

In Codes

You know, there're lots of things to be grateful for in life.

I have a big, happy and very noisy family.

I have aunties that are like big sisters to me (I've always tought how having big sisters would feel like).

I realize my huge ass dreams are definitely going to take me some where in life. I'm excited to say the least.

I have good brains. It astonishes me to know that someone with so little cowsense can do so well in brainy stuff.

Kidding. I have lotsa cowsense ok?

I'm a very lucky girl.

Life hands me a lot of Christmas presents every once in a while.

A while back, life handed me something magical that I got attached to. Maybe too attached.

Then as time went on, I realized that that something wasn't worth my time and energy.

No matter how much I like it, I have to let it go sooner or later or risk getting pulled even lower.

So yesterday, I decided to cut it out.

It wasn't easy to let go knowing what I've experienced. Even right now, I'd glance every now and then in hope of returning things to how it was again.

But I don't want to go back to square 1. I don't want to sweep it all under the carpet and let myself be trodden all over again.

But if it was meant to be, I hope that life will bring it back to me. And that by then, it would be worth my time and energy. That it would be something true.

Yesterday was really... lonely. Emotionally, not physically I mean.

There I was, surrounded by funny videos, small kids, laughter, jokes from my brother, my mom's silly antics, but feeling like I was the saddest soul on the planet.

So if you manage to unravel this (or even read this), know that I wasn't being mean or selfish. I just wanted to tell you that I don't want to be taken for granted.

I hope I played my cards correctly. Because if I lose, I'll lose it too.