Wednesday, April 25, 2012

How I lost weight

Just to tell you, I do not have a before and after picture. Maybe I have, but it all looks the same. Cuz pictures are always of my best angles. Hahaha!

So, no.


I've never been like really roly-poly fat. In fact, during my primary years, I resembled a stick, in a good way. As in I wasn't the sickly, anorexic kind of stick, but the natural stick kind of stick. Like the grasshopper kind of stick. Jump, jump, jump.

Going downhill

After hitting puberty (whatever that is for girls, presumably once you get your period? I dunno), I started gaining weight. I was 15 years old when I first hit the 50kg line. At that time I think I was what? 158cm? 160cm?

Some of you might think, that's not fat. I was so used to being 45kg. Then you tell me I'm 50kg. I cry like baby. I admit I wasn't fat fat, but I FELT fat. Like real fat.

Yes, the mind is capable of great things. Great things. Curious, very curious. For it was his brother that gave you that scar.

That was a dialogue from Harry Potter when he was buying his wand from Oliver. I can be weird.

And once I started feeling fat, I gained more weight. Like attracts like. FML. So I wasn't as confident as I liked to be. As a consequence, I started seeing my body in a very negative light.

My heaviest ever was 53 kg. That was in October 2010. I was 19, 164cm (bl**dy short I know) and... fat. Ok lah, I'll stop saying I'm fat. I shall say I was... um... I could do with shedding some weight. Yep. That should do.

Actually ah, I never really cared to lose weight. Fat mai fat lorh. Who cares wo? Think I very pretty meh?

Ok, I lied! I always wanted to lose weight. I was always thinking, "I need to lose weight, I'm fat, ugh my butt is effing huge, ugh my thighs are jingling, what the hell is this? my tummy? looks like roti paratha... ARGHH I HAVE A DOUBLE CHIN FML!!!"

The way I was complaining, you'd think I'm someone f***ing obese.

At that time, 48kg was like a... dream. *titanic music plays*

So I tried all kinds of things to cure me of my "fat-ness". I tried Marie France and Bizzy Body (all free trials one... ngehehe...). I tried fasting for one week. I tried all sorts of diets (which naturally I ended up binging and gaining all the weight after that).

Nothing worked! What kind of sorcery is this lah???

My mind kept telling me this was so hard, hard, hard. It'll take a long time. There's cake on the table. Bf ajak me go makan burger. I need to lose weight. I'm fat. There's chocolate in the fridge. I'm lazy. When am I gonna lose weight? I'm gonna eat KFC.

Shut it, brain.

Goddammit! I hated being 50kg++!!! I was hovering around 52kg. Somebodeh... kill meh. Ok, don't.

And then suddenly, I dropped to 46.5kg.

Damn, I'm good.

Going uphill

I lost about 5-6kg (wa... so much ah? I didn't realize pun) since those "fat gloom days".

It's been a few months and I've been consistently around 47-48kg. So that means my weight loss started early this year? No one knows.

The feeling? F*** where my boobs?

Haha, no lah. Ok lah. A bit lah.

But the rest of me was feeling great. I is happy with my weight :)

The lowest I dropped to was 46.5kg. And then my mother started asking me to gain some weight. Oh, and some of my adult chess friends started asking me to gain some weigh too. They were like "Aiyo Miyen, sudah macam batang oh."

WHAT SORCERY IS THIS? DO YOU KNOW HOW HAPPY I WAS? Hahaha. *sheds a tear of joy*

Muthaf*****, call me anorexic I also damn happy.

Reason why I didn't blog about my weight lost earlier (other than fearing people thinking I'm bragging. still fearing, but wtf, this is my blog) was I wanted to make sure the weight was gone for good. Suddenly blog about my weight then next week fat again, how?

So after a few months not fat, green light. Can blog about it. Won't become fat tomorrow :)

How I did it

It's all in the mind. No I'm serious.

Contrary to popular belief, it's not the diets or exercise. Because all those can be sabotaged the next day by going on an eating spree. Courtesy of being overridden by our thoughts a.k.a. the mind.

I think there was one point in life where I just got so sick and disgusted with my fat thoughts that I completely stopped thinking about it.

I think it was when I had one of my bouts of sickness. After recovering, my brain was somewhat cleared of the fog and I naturally wasn't focused on trying to lose weight anymore. I didn't force myself to stop. It came naturally.

Actually ah... I also don't remember how. I think it was gradual. But... whatever lah.

I started doing other things and concentrated on things that made me happy. I was so engrossed with whatever shizz I was doing. My life didn't evolve round my weight anymore. I eased up on that aspect. Let loose... aahh...

And I started to eat less. I didn't care what I ate, how much I ate. All I did was... not think.

I ate when I was hungry and stopped when I was... not full. Haha. As a consequence, my tummy gradually shrank.

So I started losing weight like... whooosshhh... just kept losing. At first I was elated, then I kept losing until I got worried. Ironic, I know.

No pills, no diet and no hardcore exercise. I think the secret is no matter how much effort you put in trying to lose weight, if you keep having negative thoughts about your body, those thoughts will sabotage all your weight-loss attempts.

Cuz if you think it's hard, hard, hard, then in reality it will be hard, hard, hard. Because like, you'd end up binging after exercise or having a yo-yo effect with diets or whatever.

All I did was change the way I think (or just don't think about it) and everything started falling into place. Pretty effortless. Not a bad way to lose weight eh?

I admit the start was tough. To let go off all those limiting beliefs did take effort.  But something clicked and stayed.

So step 1: Clear all the limiting beliefs you have about your body image. Train yourself to think about other good things in life. Then it should be smooth sailing after that. Maybe get a notebook and write down all the positive aspects about your life? I do. Not much now on weight, but on other aspects of life.

Other more crude ways: Drown yourself in feel good movies for a week so much so until you feel soo good to think of anything negative. Or better, get terribly sick and ask your mother don't take care of you. Okay, I'm joking.

Of course if you supplement good eating habits and exercise with positive thoughts, then all the better.

For proof, my diet yesterday consisted of cakes and instant noodles yesterday, but I still lost a bit of weight this morning.

I know I shouldn't be eating like that, but just to prove a point. And I probably should start exercising again.

Some of you might think, wa... become some kind of health guru ah? No lah... Just wanted to share. CANNOT AH???



  1. my heaviest was 58kg back in f4 leh!!! huhu!!! and i'm 165cm.. =D

  2. Serious ah? I cannot imagine you being that heavy larh. Hahaha! Were you fat or are your bones naturally heavy?

    I think I have light bones. That's why 53kg look fat ady. Haha!

  3. serious la..haha..u didn't see me back then mar..and yes,i'm naturally big-boned..But i was fat too..thanks to puberty and my couldn't-care-less attitude on my weight.. =D

  4. so...It's all in the mind... :)

  5. KayLynn: Wa... still can't believe. Haha. But I guess now you're struggling to gain weight? :P

    Aidajusoh: Like the saying goes "change your thoughts and you can change the world." Holds true now that you think about it yeah? Hehe

  6. if u seen me at that time, you'll believe..haha..not exactly's quite easy for me to gain weight actually, but something will always come up n destroy my efforts like falling sick/going back to uni/etc etc.. =D

  7. waahhh...was it a fate or what. recently everybody in the office noticed that i've gained weight . *was it too obvious everyone?? (=.=')*

    and i can't think of anything i could do to get my ideal weight to 50 again! how to do that "mind therapy" you just blogged about? tell me more. or teach me. now i was 60kg i guess. it is almost obese for 158 cm . wwuuuaaarrggg *crying like hell now*

  8. Aww...

    I'd love to help you. All I can say here is try to think positive :)

    I'll try to write a separate post for you :)