Thursday, October 27, 2011

Self-studying insight

When people ask me what I'm studying now, and I say "self-study at home.", they then give me that "oh" kinda expression.

And then most start doubting me. Ya I know my STPM results suck because I was lazy to study. So why should they believe that I can pass ACCA all on my own right?

I think that some of them actually look down on me or take pity on me(?). I mean, I have 5 other siblings and it's not fair if I use up all the money on education for myself.

Self-studying for your tertiary education at home? No proper college or university, no proper education environment. It's not in the norm, so they find it hard to understand.

I sometimes get really tired of explaining to them, when I don't really have to. And I didn't know how to act when they gave me that look.

But yesterday, I realized that convention means absolutely nothing. I've recently met some school dropouts that lead very, very colorful lives. They're soo good at things they choose to do. It's just that they're not intersted in books. That's all.

They have so much confidence and lust for life. Exploring every part of life and what it has to offer.

It's very inspiring watching them go through life. Best is, they don't give a damn to what others think.

So I learn that this is my life and I get to do whatever I want with it. About my choice to self-study, I just let those who doubt me doubt, let them think what ever they want. It's my choice and my life has never been more joyful.

I have so much free time at home. My schedule is very flexible. Good hometown food, free accomodation, familiar environment, amazing study material and entertainment (I've just realized that Kampar has a lot of entertainment provided you go with the correct people).

Contrary to what I thought last time, I've been hanging out with people dear to me A LOT more often than I thought I would. I've been going on trips every once in a while too. And most importantly, I find I don't have much distractions, so I can properly concentrate on my studies.

Also I have time to improve on other aspects of life and explore other opportunities that come with the advantage of controlling my own time.

I mean, if I were in university, I doubt I'll be getting braces or blogging this frequently or saving this much money.

I guess the circumstances now are such that god wanted me to experience self-studying when all I wanted to last time was to enter uni. I have a feeling that there's something about myself I need to change and the best place to discover that is home.

And once I start accepting the now and always seeing the glass as half full, only will things that I really want flow to me. Who knows, maybe I'll be going off to college next year because the circumstances are right (right frame of mind, financial freedom, discipline, right attitude).

I don't know what I'll learn finally when this episode is over, but I'm beginning to see the light in everything.

Ok, off to complete my notes and finishing up ALL the lecture videos today. 7 to go! If I finish'em up today, I can start on the past years by tomorrow.


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